Is the old tradition of asking the bride’s father still valued in modern day society?

13 March 2012

You have made up your mind, you want to propose, congratulations, but now the panic sets in, ‘oh no, do I have to ask her father’s permission?’

For any traditional down on one knee kind of guy this is a no-brainer, but for other less conventional men this is
not even a question that occurs to them.
However, this isn’t a decision that affects only you.

You are going to ask a girl to become your wife, to start a new life together, but you will also become part of her family too and asking her father’s permission might be very important to her.

You should know if you don’t already what your soon to be fiancée thinks of the whole concept of her father giving you permission to ask her to marry you. Here are some helpful pointers to help navigate the whole process.

How important will it be to her, but also her father?

What kind of home background is she from? Are her parents still together, does she even still talk to her father?
Simply put, if she laughs off the idea then don’t give it a seconds more thought, but if she says that her dad specifically said he would kill the man who presumed to marry his little girl without permission then it is best to ask the future father-in-law first.
Even so, in today’s liberally minded society approaching another man for permission to essentially possess his daughter is kind of weird. But, some traditions, especially marital are ancient and should be respected.

Face to face or over the phone?

Where at all possible try and do this conversation in person face to face, if this is not the case due to distance a phone call is still better than nothing. So, make sure that you get a private meeting or at least some private time with your girlfriend’s dad when you can. Often meeting at a neutral spot will help calm your nerves, a loud sports bar after several large scotches is also not going to go down too well.

It would be best to make sure he knows this is a man to man talk that should not be shared and very simply make clear your feelings for his daughter.

Promise to love and protect his little girl for all time and hope that he isn’t an ass about the whole thing, or in a perfect world bursts out laughing in your face and says yes. Always remember that a girl’s relationship with her father is very important be that for good or for bad. For those women lucky enough to have a healthy relationship with their dad his approval is all-important and more to the point your respect for that is essential too.

How long do you wait when you have asked his permission?

Now that you have asked the second most important person don’t wait too long till you ask the big question. Keep the momentum going and also be sure to give the dad a heads up as to when it may happen. Also try and ask the father to keep this under his hat, when more people know the more chance of it slipping out! The first call you make will be to her parents so make sure they don’t have major plans that day as they will want to celebrate and congratulate you both.

 

 

 

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